To the New York State Republicans: You Broke It, You Bought It

Congratulations, NYS Republican Party, you are now the standard bearer for lunatics, freaks, racists, homophobes and all other manner of mouth-breathers from the Hudson Valley to Lake Erie and beyond.  Never before has your monotone, monochrome worldview been more apparent, your cynicism more obvious or you general lack of humanity more complete.

Here is a short list of things you knew about Carl Paladino before you made him your candidate by a 2-1 margin:

He cheats on his wife.

He sends pornographic images of women and horses to people on his email contact list.

He sends racist jokes and images to people on his email contact list.

He believes that poor New Yorkers smell bad and need to be taught basic hygiene.

He wants to use state prisons as labor camps for people who need public assistance.

That's just the stuff that comes up during the course of a normal conversation about Paladino; we haven't even touched on how the vast majority of his fortune comes from a government he claims to despise or even his antics at local lesbian bars.


Well, Republicans, you own him now.  Every vile epithet, every smarmy offhand remark belongs to you and your party. You have laid claim to a morally defunct opportunist, or maybe he's laid claim to you. Enjoy.

A Primary Night Haiku

Watch equine porno.
Spew racist garbage. Why not
Vote Paladino?

Carl Paladino Wants to See Your Pussy

When he's not thinking of new ways to put black people in internment camps or pondering the finer points of equine fetishes, Carl Paladino likes to spend his time getting drunk and asking women to show him their genitalia.  Carl prefers the vernacular though as evidenced by yesterday's WNYMedia story.

The thing that struck me most about Kinky Carl's most recent foray into the realm of the distasteful wasn't his 'Show me your pussy!' comment.  Over the course of my years I've had a few drinks and propositioned a few women and I 'd be a hypocrite if I sat here and pretended that I was always a saint about it.  No, my disgust with Paladino's behavior stems from his comments to the woman who was attempting to keep him in line.  According to her account, when she asked him to behave, Paladino said “shut up you fucking dyke. Don’t quit your day job.”

This is the sort of comment that we've come to expect from Paladino.  Some days it's minorities, other days it's poor people and, in this example it was gay folks, but whatever the case, it seems that the only  group of people safe from Kinky Carl's rage is wealthy white men.

The New York State Gubernatorial primary will be held next  Tuesday.  I'm on the fence when it comes to what I'd like the Republicans to do.  Part of me wants Paladino to win simply for the theater of it all, but another part of me sincerely hopes that Republicans in New York State can't find a way to identify with this man.

Elections should be about raising the level of debate and sharing ideas, but this one has become a sounding board for Carl Paladino's insane ramblings.  Whatever happens with the Republicans on Tuesday, at least I can be confident that Andrew Cuomo is ready to take all comers.  Cuomo has spent months refining his platform and gathering support from citizens all over the state.  When the general election in November comes around and Andrew Cuomo is our Governor-Elect I'll be happy and relieved to let the lunatic fringe stew in their own madness and plot revenge from their padded cells.

Kinky Carl's Debate Rage

When I decided to start blogging I never intended for my first two entries to be about 'Kinky' Carl Paladino, but this man is truly the gift that keeps on giving.  Paladino's newest outrage comes at the expense of his GOP primary opponent Rick Lazio who has refused to debate the Buffalo-based bestiality aficionado.

For what it's worth, I'd love to see this debate.  In the red corner we would have a guy whose most recent job outside of politics involved serving on the board of Goldman Sachs and stealing TARP money from American taxpayers.  In the really red corner we would have a guy who says he wants to cut NYS spending by 40% but makes most of his money renting buildings in Erie County to NYS government agencies.

The possibilities here are endless.  Here are a couple debate topics that I can't believe we'll never get to witness:

Paladino's idea that minorities on public assistance smell bad and belong in forced labor camps.

Lazio's seemingly superhuman hypocrisy e.g. his ability to hate government bailouts while shoveling millions of dollars in TARP money into his over-sized Armani pockets.

I certainly don't begrudge Republicans their decision come primary day, but I am looking forward to the fireworks over the next couple weeks.  For the sake of political theater we can only hope these two spend every day from now until the 14th throwing haymakers and knocking each others teeth out.  Maybe we can expect a guest appearance by Sarah Palin, playing the part of the Budweiser Round Card Girl.  After the fight is over she can endorse 'Kinky' Carl and they can pose for pictures wearing their matching 'I'm With Stupid' t-shirts.

The Genesee County GOP and Shithouse Rats, What do They Have in Common?

Lock up your livestock folks.  Today, 'Kinky' Carl Paladino paid a visit to Batavia, NY to accept an endorsement from the Genesee County Republican Committee.  For those who don't know, Palamino's..err....Paladino' previous 15 minutes of gubernatorial candidate fame came when wnymedia.net 's Alan Bedenko broke a story about one of 'Kinky' Carl's favorite pastimes.  You see, Paladino derives some amusement from forwarding emails to just about everyone in his address book.

Now he's not your typical stupid joke/chain letter forwarder; no, he likes to send his friends videos of women performing sexual acts on horses.  Go ahead, think about it for a minute.  I'm not interested in describing the videos in detail, but I'm sure you can imagine.

My question today is simple:  Why the hell would anyone endorse 'Kinky' Carl the Horse-Porn Man?  Local republicans will tell you that he's a militant fiscal conservative who has promised to 'bring a baseball bat' with him to Albany.  OK, I get it, folks around here want lower taxes and smaller government and they think that Tea Party candidates will bring it to them, but was there really no one else?  Are you telling me that there isn't a single other rich white guy in the great state of New York willing to run for governor who wouldn't ogle your livestock with lascivious greed in his eyes?  What does this all say about Rick Lazio's popularity?.

Well, the moral of this story is that Genesee County Republicans are continuing to marginalize themselves ideologically and that's fine with me.  Soon enough, even the shithouse rats will be running for cover.