GLOW Fun With Chris Collins

Thanks to @BuffaloPundit and @HeyRaChaCha, we had a little fun on Twitter today with Chris Collins' clueless attempts at pandering to GLOW region voters. I'll keep this updated with the good ones. The hashtag is #CluelessCollins, enjoy.

Hey Hicks, Chris Collins Is Just Like You

Chris Collins bought some jeans last week and The Buffalo News just had to report on it. I never would have seen the blurb if my friend Alan Bedenko over at Artvoice hadn't picked up on it yesterday.

Since this is stupid is so many ways, I'm not going to launch into a thousand-word diatribe about how Collins is a dick and is wholly incapable of connecting with or understanding anyone outside of his circle of Spaulding Lake dilettantes. Instead, I thought it would just be fun to wonder what Chris Collins thinks of us, the hicks, rubes and hayseeds out here in the GLOW counties.

Without further ado: Overheard on the Collins campaign trail, GLOW region edition:

-- "Jesus, what's that smell? Is that the fertilizer stench they kept telling me about?"
    "No, Chris, we're in downtown Batavia, there aren't any farms here."
    "Hmmm, must just be the poor people. What kind of pants do they wear?"

--"You guys are farmers, huh? So do you have, like, a general store, or do you barter for goods at the fair?"

--"Hi, I'm Chris Collins and I need your vote so I can go to Washington.  Waaawwwww-ssshhhhinnnngggg-ttttuuuuhhhhhnnn."

-- "I just bought a brand new pick-up truck so I can connect on a personal level with Pa Kettle here. Let's fill it with heavy stuff and drive somewhere."

-- "Let's make this one quick. There is no way I'm taking a dump in an outhouse."

-- "Oh, this is your cousin? How many kids do you guys have?"

-- "Haha, look at these straw hat wearing yokels. Hey, Cletus, where's the rodeo? Wait, what? YOU ACTUALLY HAVE A FUCKIN' RODEO?!?!? Oh....My....God....what the fuck is wrong with you people?"

I could do this all day, but I won't because it's stupid. You know what else is stupid? Chris Collins' attempt to be 'folksy' in his hick costume.

Collins Gives Order To Fire Mother Of Four, Bellavia Benefits

The Buffalo News reported on Saturday that State Sen. Michael Ranzenhofer fired an office employee and mother of four at the behest of Chris Collins, a Republican candidate for the NY-27 Congressional seat. According to the Buffalo News report, Michelle McCulloch of Attica said her employment at Ranzenhofer's office was terminated because of her support of Collins' primary opponent, David Bellavia.

McCulloch, a mother of four, is a member of the Wyoming County Republican Committee which has officially endorsed Mr. Bellavia in the ongoing primary. The incident that reportedly got her fired was nothing more than a meet and greet in Wyoming County (also attended by Collins) where she introduced David Bellavia around the crowd.

Ms. McCulloch is also a member of Bellavia's campaign steering committee, an extracurricular activity that had previously drawn the ire of her boss. Despite Ranzenhofer's demands that his staff remain neutral in the primary, his state senate office employees were asked to pass designating petitions for Chris Collins. McCulloch told the Buffalo News that she had performed this task despite her support for Bellavia.

New York is an 'at-will' state meaning employees can be terminated at any time for any reason. Companies are not required to provide an explanation for personnel decisions like this one.

Chris Collins has a history of committing acts that force voters to question his ability to respect his fellow human beings. There was the rat thing in Buffalo, then there was the handicapped parking space incident, the reportedly fear-based working environment in the Erie County Executive's office, and any number of other transgressions that constantly lower the public's expectations of Chris Collins ever acting like a person who respects others. Asking a State Senator to fire a mother of four who has served faithfully for years under multiple bosses falls right into the pattern of typical Collins behavior.

David Bellavia is expected to address the allegations against Collins and Ranzenhofer today in multiple appearances around the district.

Bellavia, who has received the endorsement of Republican Committees in every rural county in NY-27 should see this as a windfall for his campaign. Primary elections can be difficult to run because voters often have trouble, for obvious reasons, discerning the differences between two candidates who generally espouse the same ideology. These typically low turnout races will always come down to money and organization unless a clear line can be drawn between candidates. Bellavia has an opportunity now to draw that line using Collins' borderline behavior to ask primary voters to choose the kind of person they want representing them in the upcoming general election. I don't imagine the man who ordered the revenge firing of a working class mother is going to be able to acquit himself well on-stage in a debate with Congresswoman Kathy Hochul.

Image courtesy of Tom Dolina at Tommunisms

Chris Collins Has A Problem

Let's say you're a candidate running in the NY-27 Republican primary. You wake up in the morning, yawn, maybe take a gratuitous scratch or two at your nether parts and meander into your bathroom. You turn on the sink faucet and slowly look up then........ BAM!!! Your entire day has just been ruined because the face staring back at you from the mirror waiting to have its teeth brushed is none other than the highly unlikable ignorer of rat infestations, former Erie County Executive Chris Collins.

It's ok, you think to yourself. I have a ton of cash and the might of the Erie County Republican Committee behind me. I'm unstoppable.

So, you finish brushing your teeth and take a shower. Things are starting to look up. Even though you were unceremoniously tossed out of office by the voters of Erie County just a few months ago, you know you're going to have an easy time getting elected to Congress in a newly drawn district. You're certain that Democrat Kathy Hochul's win in last year's special election was a fluke and nobody is going to stand in your way.

You start to whistle as you swagger through the house toward the aroma of fresh-brewed coffee. As you pass through the dining room you notice the table is covered with newspapers from all the towns and cities in the congressional district. This irritates you just a little because back when you were the Erie County Executive, you only had to read the Buffalo News, but now every morning you're forced to skim articles about 4-H competitions, farm labor and myriad other things that happen in the muddy places outside of Spaulding Lake.

On top of the news pile is the most recent edition of the Batavia Daily News. You pick it up and skim an article about Congresswoman Kathy Hochul doing useful things for farmers. You scoff at the idea, turn to page 2 and right there plain as day is a story about your Republican primary opponent, David Bellavia, announcing the members of his steering committee. Bellavia has received the endorsement of every rural county in a district that has become more pasture than pavement. His steering committee is made up of  rural county Republican Committee whip crackers, heavy hitters and true believers and the article suggests that more of these people are showing up every day, volunteering for an opportunity to make your retirement from politics a permanent arrangement.

You are Chris Collins and you have a big problem.